Summary

Hidden Villa emphasizes the inter-connectivity between natural as well as social systems. Hidden Villa has a very rich history in supporting social justice causes in the community and is very much dedicated to the principles of non-violence. During the field trip, Hidden Villa guides model celebration of individual differences, respectful speech and actions, and compromise and conflict-resolution skills. My students frequently comment on the respectful atmosphere at Hidden Villa, where they say they feel comfortable being who they are. A conflict-resolution unit is just one more way to try to create this same atmosphere in the school classroom as well.

All teachers are deeply involved in supporting our student's learning of conflict-resolution skills throughout the entire day and in a myriad of ways. I have found these four steps and subsequent unit useful as yet another way to support my broader classroom management system and goal that my students learn to be peaceful, productive and respectful citizens of the world.

Successful functioning in a community--whether it be a group of friends, classroom, school, town, country or world--depends on developing proficiency in conflict-resolution skills. Students should begin developing these skills in preschool. However, with each stage in life there are increasingly challenging lessons to learn about these skills. I find that it is extremely valuable to dedicate a few days to teach my students the conflict-resolution skills I expect from them at the beginning of the school year. These lessons will also support them in all of their Hidden Villa field trips and classroom projects, which frequently depend on cooperative work and may include the exploration of social justice concepts.

At the beginning of the unit, I generally make a big poster of the four steps to Respectful Resolutions that I can keep up on the walls as long as necessary.

1. Be Aware - This step introduces students to the idea that their body gives them important clues about how they are feeling in a given situation.
2. Take Care - After realizing how they feel, students need to be responsible for their feelings. This could mean cooling off, taking a deep breath, walking off their tempers, or doing something that makes them feel good about themselves.
3. Prepare - Before approaching the person with whom they've had the conflict, students should think about and practice what they are going to say. This includes learning to develop effective I-Messages.
4. Listen and Share - Once students are ready to talk with the person in question, they need to be ready to listen to the other person's point of view without interrupting and make appropriate compromises.

I have adapted many of my conflict-resolution lessons from the curriculum "Talk-It-Out" by Barbara Porro, which can be easily purchased on the Internet. I highly recommend this book. It provides a thorough background of information about why and how to implement a conflict resolution program in your classroom. It also offers many more specific situations you can use in teaching the steps to Respectful Resolutions. (ISBN- 0-87120-262-X)

Part I: Introducing the Steps

Because these lessons aren't directly academic, I have tried to keep them to about half an hour each. However, if your students connect deeply to the content and have lots to say, you may want to extend the class discussions. To speed up the lessons, I create student worksheets for each lesson so that we don't waste time with students forgetting instructions or copying questions from the board. You can find examples of these worksheets on the page of Download Materials.

Lesson 1: Reading and Discussing Penduli

Lesson 2: Students think about the clues their body gives them when they are angry

Lesson 3: Creating a cool-off plan

Lesson 4: Reading It Doesn't Have to Be This Way

Lesson 5: Creating and Practicing I-Messages

Lesson 6: Role playing good and bad listening skills

Lesson 7: Developing compromises

Part II: Implementation

Lesson Plans

Part I: Introducing the Steps

Discussion: Read Penduli by Jannel Cannon as powerful yet fun example of the vicious cycle of name calling. Guide a class discussion about the book. As a class, trace the circles of insults on chart paper and discuss the reasons each animal gave for offending the next animal (attempting to increase their own self-esteem by putting other down).

Individual: Students write their personal connections to the book (worksheet). Have you ever had your feelings hurt by someone else? Have you ever hurt someone else's feelings? Guide another discussion.

Lesson 2: Students think about the clues their body gives them when they are angry

Orientation: Review the insult circles from the previous lessons. Guide students in discussing Penduli's role in breaking the cycle. What did she do? Present the 4 steps for Respectful Resolutions. Explain that to be able to confront a problem effectively, the first step is to be able to recognize that there is a problem. We need to Be Aware of the conflict, our role in it and how we are feeling about it. Guide a student discussion about different clues their bodies give them when they are angry. Remind them that each person reacts in a different way.

Individual: Students draw and write about the clues their body gives them when they are angry (worksheet). Class discussion. In the upper grades, you may want to guide a discussion and worksheet activity about other feelings that can get in the way of "working-it-out" (jealousy, fear, sadness).

Lesson 3: Creating a cool-off plan

Orientation: Review previous lesson and explain that in a conflict your first priority should be to Take Care of yourself and others around you. For example, when you are angry, you need to find a way to cool off so that you don't hurt yourself or others. Guide discussion about different ways students find helpful to cool off.

Individual: Students write down their own cool-off plan (worksheet).

Discussion: Guide discussion about how to take care when you have other strong feelings. For example, it is hard to be strong and stand up for yourself when you are feeling sad or afraid.

Lesson 4: Reading It Doesn't Have to Be This Way

Staying safe is part of the conflict resolution step of "Take Care." As many of our students often encounter unsafe conflict situations in their lives, this could be a good time to discuss appropriate strategies for staying safe when students encounter bullies, gangs or domestic violence. The depth of your class discussion will entirely depend on your students' situation and need. If you are new to your school, ask other teachers, community leaders, students or parents about the safety challenges your students may be facing. Even if you are not teaching in a neighborhood you generally associate with these sorts of problems, once you start investigating, you may be sadly surprised by some of the realities of your students' lives. I HIGHLY recommend the book, It Doesn't Have to Be This Way published by the Children's Book Press. It is a powerful, age-appropriate story about a young boy who gets pulled into gang life. In my class, students share books in groups of 2-3, discuss the book together as they follow a reading guide (worksheet). Although the story itself is short, I allow at least 2 days to read the book, to nurture deeper thinking and class discussions.

Lesson 5: Creating and Practicing I-Messages

Orientation: Review previous lessons. Explain that the first two steps act to keep students physically and emotionally safe while preventing them from reacting rashly, which usually escalates the conflict. The last two steps deal with how to work out the problem. In the step "Prepare" students plan what they are going to say and do when talking to the person with whom they have the conflict. Introduce the elements of an I-Message and demonstrate how it is fundamentally different from a You-Message. Present a few situations and guide your class in using the I-Message sentence frames.

Supported: In pairs, students work on developing appropriate I-Messages to imaginary situations (worksheet).

Discussion: Share student I-messages. Finally, guide a discussion on the importance of planning how and where they are going to approach the person to be able to have a successful conversation.

Lesson 6: Role playing good and bad listening skills

Activity: Discuss the importance of good listening skills in finding a respectful resolution to a conflict. Put students in pairs. One will be the talker and the other the listener. Give the talkers a topic and instruct the listeners to do everything they can without leaving their seats. One minute or less should suffice. Switch. Guide a discussion about the bad listening behaviors they came up with. Have they ever encountered this type of behavior before? How does it make them feel? Repeat the role playing with a new topic. This time the listener should try everything possible to be an excellent listener. Have a demonstration with one of your students to set the tone before students work in pairs. Share and make a class list of respectful listening behaviors.

Individual: Students reflect on experiences they've had with respectful and disrespectful listeners (worksheet).

Lesson 7: Developing compromises

Sometimes giving a well-constructed I-message and being a good listener is not enough to resolve a conflict. There are times when students need to find creative solutions to a conflict and be ready to compromise.

Discussion: Give an example of a conflict that would need a compromise plan, e.g. 2 groups of students who want to use the same ball at recess. Divide students into two groups and describe the situation. Then instruct them to brainstorm positive resolutions within their group. Share. Write down each group's ideas one at a time (no comment from the other side.) Finally, instruct each group to huddle and decide how they feel about each option - great, so-so or no-way. Guide class in choosing the best compromise for the role play.

Extension: In small groups, have students practice all the steps with new situations. (See Porrp's book.)

Part II: Implementation

Once students have learned the main steps to create respectful resolutions to conflicts, the next step is using them. Following these four simple steps can be a big challenge during a real conflict situation. Some teachers may want to put in place a way for students to formally request teacher support in working towards a respectful resolution with someone. If this doesn't work with your classroom management or schedule, I recommend at least leaving up the posters you developed as a class for each step so that students can refer to them in moments of "crisis." I particularly found it useful to make a big poster of the I-Message sentence frames to leave up during the year. In this way I could easily point it out to students who were at the brink of trying to resolve a conflict with harsher words.

Download Materials

Student Worksheets

Part I

Lesson 2: Anger Clues Worksheet

Lesson 3: Cool-off Plan Worksheet

Lesson 4: It Doesn't Have to Be this Way Worksheet

Lesson 5: I-Message Worksheet

Lesson 6: Respectful and Disrespectful Listening Worksheet